A Sense of Strength
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay 5x25 post ep oneshot


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I literally have tears in my eyes as I upload the last post ep oneshot of the season. Where the hell did this season go? I can't believe it's over.

**_I'm hoping to come up with a few little oneshots over the hiatus, but it'll be a bit difficult considering they're all laid in a bar till September. But I'm sure I will come up with something. _**

**_Let's hope TPTB give me a reason to write post ep oneshots for season 6, huh? _**

**_Huge thank you to all of you that have been so encouraging and supportive (and generally butt kicking and motivating) it's been so amazing to receive such an incredible response. And I appreciate you all from the bottom of my heart. _**

**_I'm sure you're all aware - but the CSI:NY fanfiction awards are back up and running - go cast your nominations and look out for when you can vote! _**

**_And, last but not least - here we go, the last 'official' post ep oneshot of season 5 - enjoy!!_**

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She watched him as he whacked the tyres with a little more force than required. Okay, a lot more force than what was required.

While he did so, she turned away from where he was stood and gazed into the busy lab, effectively letting his emotions find an outlet in a private moment with himself.

He moved around all the tyres whacking them, once, twice, three times, before moving to the next, and repeating the process.

Danny moved back and set the bat down as he bent down to collect the paper they had laid underneath the tyres to gather the trace. She turned and joined him in his efforts and moved to the little table they had set up with evidence Petri dishes.

He worked in silence, avoiding eye contact the whole time.

Lindsay took a deep breath as he unclasped the brakes on the table and finally looked at her indicating he was ready to head to trace and start analysing.

She smiled reassuringly at him and he started off down the hallway with the evidence. Lindsay locked and secured the tyres in the room with her key code before following him down the hallway.

By the time she had got there, he had already laid out her share of the evidence with everything she needed and was now doing the same for himself. She smiled at him in thanks and ran her hand down his back in a comforting gesture before taking her place up at the side of the work surface.

She glanced up at him as he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.

She forced her eyes down to the evidence and began analysing - but couldn't. She knew he was hurting. She wanted to ease his pain. She wanted to ease Flack's pain – hell, she wanted someone to ease her own pain.

But she sensed it was going to be a long and trying process for things to get back to 'normal'.

She let out a breath and placed her tweezers on the counter before looking up at him. He could feel her eyes on him. He knew she was looking. He turned and looked at her with a pained smile. "Can I help you?"

"Can I help you?" she asked him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head, "Naw, I'm fine."

She merely raised her eyebrow.

"Alright so maybe I'm not doing so good – but neither is Flack, Mac, Stella, Hawkes, Sid, Adam or you. So I guess I'm not on my own."

Lindsay nodded and reached out to his arm and stroked it softly. "I am here for you, you know… here to talk to and cry on. You're my husband, Danny. I want you to be able to break down in front of me."

"I'm barely keeping it together here, Linds…" He told her. "Just give me some time."

She nodded accepting his pleas for her to leave it for the minute and he'd talk about it later.

She set to work on the trace from the tyre impressions and blinked away a tear. She missed her colleague. Granted she and Jess had not spent hours upon hours together, however, the times they did spend together were cherished.

There had been a day in her last month of pregnancy after she had returned home from Montana wherein Jess had arrived at her's and Danny's apartment with all of Lindsay's favourite foods in a grocery bag and smiled as she edged past a very pregnant Lindsay. She made her way into the apartment and headed towards the kitchen. Lindsay had smiled amusedly and now, cringed at her abruptness and asked Jess what she was doing.

"Saving your sanity." She had laughed.

It had touched Lindsay that Angell had gone to Danny and found out all the foods Lindsay was eating, and headed over on her day off to spend the day with her, just because.

They'd talked for hours. Hours and hours. Laughs and tears were shared. Memories, both good and bad were talked about.

And of course, the hot topic was the men in their lives.

And now she was gone.

Danny snapped his gloves off and placed them on the counter. He reached across the table and softly grabbed Lindsay's hand and tugged her round towards him. He sat on his stool and placed Lindsay in between his legs, so that she was towering down, looking at him.

She looked at him with a slight twinge of confusion in her eyes at the gesture, and what it was he was doing.

"I'm going through some majorly selfish issues right now, and I'm finding hard to get them out of my mind." He admitted to her.

She blinked and pursed her lips in confusion edging him to carry on.

"I walked down the hallway in the hospital after dropping Lucy off of at my Mom's and I saw him, and Linds, I swear to god, I blinked and saw myself in his position. I knew as soon as I saw him that she hadn't made it. I just had this feeling ya'know? And all I could think was I couldn't bare the thought of losing you. I can't even comprehend what Don's going through right now. I don't want to comprehend it, because it hurts so damn much. You have no idea how much I love you, you really don't. And to see him going through it – to see him lose his girl, it's breaking my heart, Linds because it's all I can think about."

She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to offer some comfort but he pressed a finger to his lips.

"You're my everything, and in this job, there's the chance that we get taken down. I love you so much, and it genuinely scares me. It scares me that if you weren't around anymore… if I lost you – I don't know how I would cope, and we have a daughter. And I don't think I would be able to carry on if I lost you like how Don's lost Jess."

Lindsay pulled her gloves off and wiped the tears rolling down her face. "Danny, I'm not going anywhere, and you're not going anywhere either."

"I bet if you had said that to Angell earlier, she would have agreed that she wasn't going anywhere. But she did, Linds – she died, and all I can think about is what I would do if I lost you. And my mind goes blank. I don't know what the hell I'd do."

"You'd raise Lucy and be a fantastic daddy."

He shook his head as he choked on his tears threatening to fall. He leaned forwards and rested his head on her small belly as he snaked his arms around her waist and inhaled the mixed scent of washing detergent and Lindsay.

"Without you?" he murmured. "Without my girl? How? How would I do that?"

"You would always find a way, baby." She laced her fingers through his hair. "I'm not going anywhere though, honey. I promise."

Danny sat back and cleared his throat. "I don't want Lucy to grow up without a mommy, Linds."

"And I don't want her to grow up without a daddy, either." Lindsay admitted, "But we don't get to make the decision of whether we get hurt on the job or not. All we have to motivate us is knowing that we've got each other and our beautiful baby girl to live for. She deserves the both of her parents for as long as she lives. I'm not about to get caught up in a shootout, baby. And I mean – yes, I can imagine you will but it's part of the job. All we can do is hope and pray is that Jess is up there protecting every single one of us."

Danny nodded as he took Lindsay's hand and laced his fingers through hers. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her wedding ring. "I love you, Montana."

She smiled brightly and ran her finger down his nose before bending down and pressing a soft kiss to the area of his nose she had just prodded. "I love you too, cowboy."

He let go of her hand and tapped her hips with his hands twice indicating that she could move from where he had pinned her in between his legs.

She traced her finger down his cheek before cupping his face with her hand and bringing it up to face her so that she could lean down and press a loving kiss to his lips. It was extremely brief, and usually she was against such public displays of affection in the workplace, but right now, she didn't care. She felt his lips kiss her softly, the love he had for her, filtering into the kiss. She closed her eyes as he drew away before placing another kiss to her lips.

"We better get on with this." She sighed against his him. "We need to get the bastards that did this to us. When they hurt one of us, they hurt us all."

Danny nodded as he let her go. He stood up and placed the stool underneath the workstation as she moved to her own evidence just on the other side of the table to him.

He turned and looked sideways at her as she gazed down at her evidence, completely engrossed in finding something – desperately searching for something. Anything.

He took a deep breath as he lowered his head and slipped his gloves back on before following Lindsay's suit.

They were both hurting. Both wanted to have their moment to cry, but right now, it was neither the time, nor place.

But, despite that, with her next to him, he found a sense of strength to get him through the day. A sense of strength that gave him the ability to be the friend he needed to be for Flack. A sense of strength he needed to be the cop he knew he was – deep down. A sense of strength for Angell.

Lindsay was his love, his life, his strength, his everything.

And he'd do anything to keep his everything.

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**_R&R? :)_**


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